dear erika,

Your Question: Ok so my ex-boyfriend sees me every day at school but when he tries to talk to me i ignore him,i have no reason why but i dont feel like talking to him and he should understand that. Should i disscuss with him why i dont talk to him or should i keep ignoring him?

So you don't want to be all chummy with your ex, chatting him up at school every day. That's perfectly understandable. Maybe you want to move on from that relationship and spend your time getting to know new guys, or maybe you'd rather just kick it with your friends without your old guy coming around. I mean, he IS your ex-boyfriend for a reason, right? But, although you guys probably got to know each other pretty well while you were going out, it doesn't make him a mind reader. How is he supposed to know you're not wanting to hang around him every day -- much less understand it -- if you don't tell him straight up?

So, to nip this pesky ex situation in the bud, find a time to talk to him (make sure it's a private one, when your or his friends aren't around to witness what can be seen as a potential dis) and tell him what's up. Let him know that you're not trying to be mean by ignoring him and apologize for doing that in the recent past. Then, go on to explain that you're feeling like you want a little space while at school and ask him if he can respect your wishes and help make that happen. Let him know that, while you're looking for a little more breathing room now, things will probably mellow in the future and hopefully the two of you can go back to being casual friends. Though it might seem like a total pain, try to have this talk ASAP. The longer you ignore him and sidestep direct talk, the more you come off as being completely insensitive, which I'm sure you're not trying to be.

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Erika Stalder is a San Francisco-based writer who contributes to "Wired" and "Edutopia" magazines and worked with the International Museum of Women to produce the "Imagining Ourselves" anthology. She wrote Zest Books' The Date Book also coauthored 97 Things to Do Before You Finish High School .