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dear stayteen,
Posted Fri, 06/26/2009 - 08:00 — secret life advice
Ok so... i have been with my bf for 2 years and we're about to graduate high school next June. do you think it would b a gud idea to get pregnant in September den have the baby in June after me and my bf graduate so we could spend the summer together with the baby??? the baby would be old enough to go to daycare while we go to college in august or September. we have very supporting families. we both also have jobs now and also have guaranteed jobs when we turn 18 that are high paying ones (admitting at a hospital for me and cal-trains for him)... is that a good idea or not is the question???
Dear Reader:
It's great that you and your boyfriend are happy and committed and serious about each other if that's what you both want, but 18 is awfully young to begin raising a family. What's the rush? Why not wait till you're a bit older and have been together longer, been to college, and are a little further along in your careers?
"Guaranteed" jobs have a way of disappearing in this economy, and young adulthood can sometimes throw curveballs at relationships. It's good that you're thinking about the timing of a baby and the financial responsibilities that come along with having children, but waiting until things are a little more settled is a good idea too.
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i would suggest u wait get ur life on its feet go 2 college 1 earn some money get narried then have a child cuz a baby needs parents that completley and totally love them when ur 18 the world can be crazy u might be tempted to to drink acohol or do somthing crazy my advice wait
if you two really love each other that much then that is great, but I recommend getting married first, saving up some money, getting your own place, and THEN having a baby if you decide you're ready. Don't rush it. You want to be married before you have a baby.
Don't get pregnant!
not a good choice. wait till after college and or marriage.
~JEN~
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!! i dont mean to sound mean but really! you have nothing good to say than dont say anything at all none of these gril/boys want bad or mean advice.... all you give
. you are over the age of 23 than give advice that will help kids not hurt! i do agree with some of the advice you give, but some is just mean. if you think that it helps it really doesnt! 
ps:did not mean sound like i was attacking you.
live your own life
Speaking as someone getting ready to graduate from college, it will be almost impossible to keep up with a demanding college schedule and a baby. If you go to college, you should get your money's worth, i.e. live in a dorm, stay out all night with girl friends, meet new people. The bottom line is you are really young, and a lot about your life is going to change once you get out of high school. What you want now may not be what you want in a year or two, and a child is a lifetime commitment, not something you can return when you get tired of it. Trust me, I thought I knew what I wanted when I graduated, and I have changed my mind about a million things since then. So wait, and if you are still with your boyfriend after a few years and you still want a baby, go for it.
I think it's great that you and your boyfriend are so comited to each other, and that you want to have a child, but a baby is a HUGE responsibility and can't be undone, wouldn't you like a little more time as just you and your man with out a child to take up so much of your alone time (a baby takes up so much time and energy)? I think you should wait a little longer, for you to live a bit longer with just your boyfriend.
Um, why does everyone want to have a baby soo bad? Live ur life. U dont need no baby to make you happy. But if it''s what makes you happy in life go ahead gurl....
Sing.Dance.Perform. <3
HaNnAh.
it seems like u just want a baby to stay together with ur bf. But if u are mature enough to make this plan then i think u can handle a baby if this is wat u realy want!!!!!!!!! good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iIT dOES nT sEEM tAT wAY tA mEEH... iI tHIINK sHE tHIINKS shE kNOWS wAT sHE wNTS bT mAY nT b rEADY...
Hi well theres this guy that i like nd i met him in a back of a van after i had 2 go 2 a church thing. i realy like him his name is Jordan (i think thats how u speell his name). He goes 2 my church. What am i going 2 do? Please help!
Yeah you think you have the future plan out now but daycare cost money. You think being a mom is that easy. but you need atleast months to heal to bond with the baby. and your job might not like that. you're still a teen. and there is no way you know if you and your bf will last. taking care of a baby is very stressful and not that many guys are willing to do that. and your family is supported now but they have lives too. when you want to go to a college party you can't because u have a baby to take care of not your family. you think it is that easy to get daycare, and go to college with a baby. it not. i had my daughter after i graudated and i am still waiting on going to college. that was a year ago and i can't go to college this year. i had a plan i had it all figured out. but having a baby changes everything.
MarinaPeralta
don't get preg. you r still a teen. (well so am i and i am a mommy) but don't u will mis out on colege parties, and everything. trust me u miss out on so much. wait
i am a mommy to at 16 it realy is not that bad
I dont understand why young high school girls would want to get pregnant. Practically all my friends are pregnant. They think its the best damn thing in the world but 1 of them didnt finish high school and the others ALWAYS fights with their boyfriend. I always tell them how do you think you can take care of the baby if you cant take care of yourself and you you dont have a job. i always tell them their in for a BIG surprise raising a baby. their always saying they have their friends and family to help, every time they say that im like okay i know your my friend but im not going to watch your baby for you when you want to go out or your tired its your responsibility and your baby. They always get mad at me for saying that and tell me im the one being the [filtered word]. I dont understand how im being the [filtered word], but i really dont understand why young girls want a baby so much! how is that gunna make you feel better
I blame the media for girls thinking they can handle motherhood at such young ages. The media makes you think in order to have a meaningful life you have to get married, have a kid, start a family.. It's not a necessity! What's wrong with two people being in love out of matrimony? My roommates have known each other for 12 years, they've been dating for 6 of those years, they love each other and (knowing them for 2 of those years) I don't think they're ever gonna leave each other. How would marriage make that relationship any better? By the way, why would you have a child when there are so many sitting in orphanages? This isn't a direct hit at this poor, confused girl, this is society in general. I was on facebook and one of my "friends" on facebook had announced she was pregnant, everyone wrote on her status things like "congratulations" and "I'm so happy for you", know this girl had just finished her first year of college, an out-of-state major university. What I wanted to write on her status was a rant similar to this: You are 19, and you are not in a place in your life to have a child. Not the age thing, I met you, you are a party animal, on a different drug every weekend, you are not who should be having a child (Plus, I'm almost positive that her and her boyfriend have only been together for about 6 months)! You just spent somewhere around $20,000 dollars to get 30 something college credits... What are you going to do with 30 credits? You just wasted $20,000, which probably came mainly from the government... Good job. I'm someone as financially responsible as you is having a child. I hope this is a fun little experiment for you.
But I'm actually a nice person so I didn't write that, instead I just shook my head at humanity. For the girl and the people who are trying to convince her she made the right decision...
i need someones help i am 16 and today i have just found out that i am pregnant... i am 1 month pregnant and i dont know weither to keep it or not... so yeah please someone help me!
$~*->KaSeY<-*~$
hey! well, i've never been preggo, but i think the first step is to tell the dad. then, after you tell him, you guys together should tell your parents. They will help you decide the best choice for the future.
LOVE FROM CHLOE.
OH well if u do not want to keep it give it up for adoption! please do not have an abortion! that is killing a baby! But just to let you one of my friends is pregnant and she is keeping the baby! Just think of it as an unplanned blessing. Now not to get all christain on u if your not one thats fine. but u do not need to abort your baby. Either way u really need to tell ur parents. Even though it may be hard u need to tell them. They will be mad but they love u and will deal with it. And if u abort ur baby n the long run u will regret it and feel horrible!!
Please pray for my friend Josh.
**~MacKenzie aka Maddie~***
keep it nd eat the rite foods. k
keep it nd eat the rite foods. k
listen i had my first baby when i was 15. And i love her more then anything in the world. Yes you life will be harder. in fact the hardest job is telling your parents. once you are over that you have 9 very long months to plan get cought up in school and grow up. believe me it is not like this show being a mother is hard work i wont lie to you. but it is also the most rewarding things you will ever do in your life. I am now 21 i have three kids and i own my own bussines. I got me GED and took online courses. you can do it and i am sure that once you tell your parents that you will have so many people that will be willing to help you.
lilly
It is really your choice. The baby will need LOTS of care, $$$, and attention. But if you get an abortion, the baby won't HAVE a chance to need those things. If you can't handle it, and you feel like your family, the father, AND you can't handle it, then look at adoption. There are millions of adults out there just DYING to raise a baby. Look for those people. Babies need good parents. Consider your options.
~Live 4 Dancing~
Let me just say that first, I do envy you. I am 25 and trying to start a family of my own with my husband and when you want something really bad, it's always just out of reach. Now, I am a high school teacher and I can only tell you what I've seen:
I had a student last year get pregnant. She was so excited she brought the test to school (yuck). Anyway, her family kicked her out of her house, but the baby's father's family was much more supportive and took her in. They were married within a month and all she could talk about was her husband and her baby coming. When she was about 8 months pregnant (and the plan was to keep the child), her husband met a girl who had just moved to our area. And he fell for this new girl like a sack of bricks. He actually divorced the other girl and left her completely on her own, no family, with a baby on the way.
Now you may be thinking "What an jerk!" but think about it...People who are 16, 17, even 18 are still discovering who they are, what they like, what they believe in. Many young adults around 21 and 22 still are having trouble with the same issues. My advice is to think about the future. Not just when the child is born, but 20 years down the road when that child is graduating high school. What kind of childhood do you want for this baby? A dad who's in and out? A mom struggling to make ends meet? Your child graduating high school before you're even 40? And so many teens depend on the government to pay for their bills and baby formula, but with the economy the way that it is, there may not be funding for that in the near future. No more medicaid. Seems like that's becoming the new American dream. What ever happened to the nuclear family? What ever happened to high school, college, then love, marriage, and the baby carriage? It's your decision. Since you're not married, the father has no solid legal right to the baby. All he is legally bound to do is pay child support if you decide to keep the baby. What kind of person do you want your baby to be?
I see so many kids in my classroom who have parents who were products of the 60s and 70s. Those parents had parents who didn't really care (can we say love child?) and so the newer parents either got pregnant young or just weren't mentally mature enough to care for their own little one (my students). Those kids are the ones who usually struggle in school, not because they're slow, but because they feel like their parents don't care. Why try if they don't care. If you care about this child, you will think about your options. Are you able to pay for doctor bills and field trips and college tuition for your child? Are you able to give it a stable growing environment? Remember, your child will be who runs the world in the future. And it's ok to be selfish when you're this age. If you wanna keep going to school and having fun and drooling over the next cute guy you meet, then maybe you should think about adoption. (Just remember not to make the same mistake twice)
I had three friends who got pregnant in college. The first had an abortion. It kind of broke my heart, but it was her decision. Now she's happily married and has another child who turns one next month and she's about to finish her nursing degree. The second gave hers up for adoption. She's able to see her baby every few weeks, and she just got married and is considering starting a family with her husband once they buy their first home. The third opted to keep hers...and it's living with her parents in one state, while she's living it up boozin' and whatever in another state.
It's a very difficult decision and it's a decision that's between you, the baby, your parents/guardians, and God.
Today may seem average and full of monotony, but even the little things, like smiling at someone, may have huge waves of change in the future.
I totally agree that you need to think about 18 years from now too not just a year from now. I am the product of an unhappy marriage. my mom was 24 when she got married and even at that age she wasnt ready. she didnt know herself well enough to get married. you will amaze yourself at how much you change even in the next year. my senior year in high school was the single most transforming year of my life. plus do you really want to be pregnant for your senior prom and graduation?
<3
its your and the father baby. if you wanna keep it but the daddy doesnt then keep it cuz its both of your resposibilty.keep the baby but since its up to you you can place it for adoption of you dont want it
melody
Okay let me just say it here maybe it will help you. I have been with my boyfriend now almost three years. He has been graduated for two now. I just graduated this june as well. I am not eighteen until the end of the summer. We are currently engaged and let me tell you it has been hard. We have to live with each other and some times i want to just strangle him. I love him more than anything else in this world and we are still so young. We have talked about having baby and we have decided right now is not the best time. He is working full time and i am working part time and going to school. The reason being is, if i were to have a baby i would take leave for when i had the baby and i wouldn't want to go back. I don't think any mother wants to leave their baby. so when they have the chance to stay home and be able to provide still( boyfriend working) they will choose to stay home. You can say you wont but deep down you know it will break your heart to have your baby, your newborn baby, with some one else and you feel like you are missing so much.
My mom went to school with two kids and she was a single mom. She got pregnant with my sister at 16 and me at 18. My dad and mom got a divorce and she had custody of us. It was so hard. We were older though, but it was still hard. I never saw my mom. She was working and going to school. We were on our own and had to be "grown ups". But i look and i am so proud of her that she did that but if i could choose i would wait to have a baby until i can give my child everything they need. Not just food but all of my time and energy focused on them. I don't think anyone at the age of 18 can really do it. GO out, hang out with friends before you really have to grow up. You have to make sure this is really what you want. You can't take it back once it has happened..
Just try to find a new BF if you cn if you can not find one han with your GF's there help you soso much!!!
.
Brynnie
wow brynnie i think thats the WORST advice i've ever heard. i dont think just any guy (like ben) will want to be a daddy at such a young age. it could be too much responsibility for them, being in highschool. and shes the one who's pregnant..... not her friends. if they want to help baby sit once in a while, that's great. But don't just dump your kid on your friends. They will walk out of you and your baby's life. Babies need responsible parents (and having two parents would not hurt either) and if you're not ready to be one, find someone who is. Adoption is the best way to handle an unwanted pregnancy. Millions of people want babies so consider them.
~Live 4 Dancing~
I'm in a similar position myself. I've thought about it and thought about it, and you really can never be sure if you AND your partner are ready for that type of commitment. It's quite obvious that you've thought it through, as well, but just take the time to discover yourself. Let your partner discover himself as well. Sometimes, in long relationships, we don't get to know ourselves at this age. Take some more time. Get into college and get your life started. It's better to go into something like a pregnancy knowing what to expect than to go into it completely blind sighted. Going off to college is a huge, stressful step already. Don't add to the stress by having a pregnancy. Wait a little while and see if you feel the same way. And always make sure that your partner is fully ready, as well. Best of luck...
x-dori
I agree with lilmoma725 wait until after you graduate High School and College. I am a 18 year old mom to a 7 month old. I was so in love with my daughters father and he swore to me when we had sex that if I got pregnant he would stay around. I trusted him a little to much and now I am raising her completely on my own. I have done everything for her since day 1. He has met her twice in her life and swears she is not his. Wait to see if you two will be together. Dont get my wrong my daughter is absolutley amazing and I wouldnt trade her for the world. But have her has made my life way harder. I love her to death and am trying my hardest to give her everything but its extremely hard when your on your own. I dont know your bf and he may not leave but there is always that chance. If you do decide to go through with your plans just remember that there will be tons of sleepless nights. Not just taking care of the baby sleepless nights but I know alot of teen moms including myself who have sleepless nights from worrying if they will have enough money to make it to next week, keeping up grades in college, ect.
If you need someone to talk to I am here. I am a great listener. Goodluck!
I peronally think that you should wait I will also be senior next year in high school and i could not imagine having a baby. I want kids but I think I would rather wait until after I get my nursing degree. I also wouldn't want to be just another satistic. Every time my cousins come over it just reminds how hard it would be if I had kids their age which is possible since they are 4, 2, and 9 months old. Just wait you don't know what the ecomony might do so don't get yourself in hard situation.
KC
ok. i really like this guy, and my friend is good friends with him. but the thing is idk if he likes me back.. so my friend came over (the one that talks to im) and tells me that hes liked me for about 6 months but the thing is he wanted to know if i liked him which i do but my friend didnt know.. he wants me to talk to him. what do i say? i get so nervous ill just blank out? ohh and the thing is that weve never talked to eachother
_*peace, love happiness =]
okay this is what you do.
Dont do the middle school stuff. he said she said stuff. you need to actually talk to him and get to know him and then decide if you really like him. And then if you guys start talking and he likes you then he will ask you to the movies or to dinner or somthing. and then you can ask him or get the feeling if he likes you.
Well i do not think thats a good idea, you should wait because there will be little time for the baby and him in your life while at college,,, would you really want a stranger taking care of your baby all the time?? Whats the poit to have one if someone is going to take care of he/she all the time when your in class?? That defeets the purpose of having one now doesnt it?
Its true, hopefully you make the right desission but only you can make it and not someone elce.
Congrads at graduating highschool though
dont rush..your only young once!=)
SMiLEY!=)
Honestly, no one is really ready to have a family at any age around high school. I got pregnant at age 15 and had my daughter when I was 16. Life has been tough for my (now) husband and I but that is only because he wanted to take responsibility for his actions and we were married soon after my daughter was born. I did not really know him all that well when we got pregnant and he could've left me to deal with it all on my own or my parents could have thrown him in jail. However, I like to think that we were made for eachother and no matter what obstacle has been thrown at us we have made it through.
My advice to you is to wait to have sex, especially planning to have a baby and start a family, until after you have graduated from high school and college. Right now I have two daughters (7yr and 4yr) and trying to complete my degree program online for my Associate's while working full-time and everything else and it is simply madness. Please take it from someone who was been through it. I had my second daughter at the age of 20 and was much better prepared than I was at 16. Plus, you never know if you and your boyrfriend can stand the test of time as dating and marriage/raising a child together are totally different lifestyles and waiting until you both graduate college will show you how strong the relationship is and your degrees can lead you in different directions.
an American Teenage mother
your FAMILY supports a senior being pregnant...ur family seeems pretty perfect
Amy&Ricky
Emily&Razor
~Nikki
<3333333333333
really no comment.
I 100% agree. me and one of my very closest friends skipped a grade. So when we went to HS we were both 13. She had lost her virginity when she was 12 and had become pregnant but used abortion. this time though she didn't learn that she was pregnant until about 4 months in when it was too late to use abortion. I didn't understand how you could have sex at 13. You're barely developed.
wowow don't hurry yourself u have no idea how much collage and university cost plus paying for the baby, your young don't ruin your life, wait till you have a job so you support the baby i would wait, and your 18 enjoy your life your only young once
-when everthing else is bad in our lives atleast we got him