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sex won’t make him yours
Posted Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:52 — The Secret Life...
When Amy’s dad gives Grace a ride after school, they have a heart-to-heart talk and he guesses that she had sex with Jack to keep him from sleeping with other girls. She doesn’t disagree. Bad idea, Grace. Bad idea, EVERYONE. It is NEVER a good idea to have sex with someone just so they won’t do it with someone else.
First of all, if that other person really wants to have sex with someone else, having sex with you won’t necessarily keep them from doing it. Second of all, like Amy’s dad said to Grace, “Guys aren’t animals, they’re not completely ruled by their hormones.” (The same thing goes for girls too, by the way). Which means that even if the desire to have sex is strong, it isn’t stronger than personal conviction. It isn’t stronger than the capacity to know right from wrong. And it isn’t stronger than the ability to make smart choices. People who say they MUST have sex, and if it isn’t with you it will be someone else, are lying. And jerks. And not worth having sex with in the first place.
Having sex with someone doesn’t make them yours and it doesn’t mean they won’t have sex with anyone else. The part of a relationship that means you belong to each other or that you’re truthful with each other and faithful to each other is about emotion and caring and honesty. And you don’t have to have sex to have that.
Do you agree? Why or why not? Tell us in the comments. And for more to talk about from this episode, check out our discussion guide .
Discussion blogs and guides provided by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
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i agree. these people weren't ready emotionally for sex and that's why they are in the bad situations that they're in. i believe it's okay to have sex before marriage, even in high school, if you're ready. some people think they are and aren't. that's why it's best to wait. but these people obviously weren't ready.
obviously jacks had sex before. and having sex with adrian didn't make him hers. and having sex with shawna didn't make him hers. so why would having sex with grace make him grace's? he left shawna for grace didn't he? him and shawna had sex. sex isn't gonna make anyone "yours". it might end up doing the opposite.
people, sex is not the issue in this show...it imaturaty. its not the fact that these people had sex, its that none of them were ready emotionally...and its not because theyre young, and its not because theyre not married...its becuase theyre lives were unstable and they werent prepared emothionally...
PAIGEneeley
i agree with that,
sex may seem like the coolest thing, but its not..
people LET their hormones get to them..but if you are strong enough you will see past your hormones and realise that you DO NOT need sex at all.
..*fashoo*..
Sex isnt life. It is not life your gonna die if you don't get any. Wait tell your married and are ready.
~Cheyenne~
sex is a special union...its a joining of two individuals and i consider it special. if your in love with someone and think that your ready for the emotional aspect of it, then i believe that you should have sex without regreting it...i dont believe that losing your virginity should be a problem...however the way you lose it is a pretty big deal...i dont think that grace made a stupid mistake in sleeping with jack...the only mistake she made was believing that if she didnt jack would sleep with other girls...
Okay the title to the blog is Sex Wot make him yours so this doesn not simply apply to grace and in fact I think this applies more so to adrian than to grace. Adrian said in tonights episode that If she doesnt sleep with ricky then he will go sleep with someone else ... also implying that the only way for to keep ricky in a "commitment" [ thats what ricky and adrian are calling it...tcha riiighhtt whatever helps adrian close her little eyes at night] is for her to keep sleeing with ricky. Yeah sure he has sex with her but when he said he didnt want to sleep with amy because ben is his friend not because he loves adrian. He doesnt want to get an apartment because he loves adrian but because he loves john. He refered to john as "our baby" and he said that it would never just be him and john or " JOHN, AMY AND I" which implies he cares for amy more than he lets on. ricky is trying to be a man fo his son and of course he loves amy she is the mother of his child and nothing on earth can change that love not even adrian having sex with him. Just because adrian has sex with ricky doesnt mean that one day ricky doesnt decide that its time to quit with the charade with him and adrian because ultimately his son and amy will always be more important than adrian in his life . so one day he will leave adrian or adrian will leave ricky because she will realize that if ricky really loved her she wouldnt have to use sex to keep him around because thats what she is doing, he wouldnt come around if she wasnt giving it up to him all the time. think about it besides school everytime we see adrian and ricky together they just had sex or they are going to have sex. they are just friends with benefits. I bet adrian doesnt even get to see inside rickys apartment first i bet john and amy do. I bet ricky would let amy help him fix the apartment for john. amy will be going over there tons to see and pick up john with no adults adrian will get more jealous because she will realize that amy and john will always have the most important part of ricky and she was just sex. "SEX WONT MAKE HIM YOURS [ADRIAN]"
Team Amy and Ricky {oh yeah its going to happen}
I WONDER WILL GRACE && JACK WILL STAY TOGETHER? i SURE HOPE SO!
AMY NEEDS TO LEAVE BEN ALONE !!
I MEAN SHE WANTS TO FOLLOW HIM..BUT TREATED..OH NO LET ME CHANGE THAT TREATS HIM LIKE CRAP!!!
~bReEzy~
That's so true, I stay off my bf's back. I have more to do with my babys father. Really.
-BabyOnTheWay.
I AGREE WITH THE WHOLE CONCEPT!JUST CKUZ YOU HAVE SEX WITH SUMONE WONT MAKE THAT PERSON YOURS!!AND GRACE NEEDS TO REALIZE THA ITS NOT HER FAULT HER DAD DIED!!!EVEN SHE DID GO AGAINST HIS WISHES!!!!SHE IS GONNA FEEL BAD BECAUSE REMEMBER HER N HER DAD GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT AND THEY HADNT MADE UP YET!!!!!SO YES FEEL BAD BT REALIZE ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMY_RICKY_JOHN_LOVE_4EVA
AMY_RICKY
Ya just because you had sex it doesnt mean you made your father die. I know it must hurt you that you father died and you didnt get to say sorry or bye. It is not your fault.
Amy+Ben+John=Forever and ever!
Amy+Ricky+John=Never and Never!
~Cheyenne~
She's pretty . The way Mr. Juergens started out as being a jerk and a big fat liar in the begining of the show. I love how he is so heart felt and helpful. I think He is going to go back with Grace's mom and become a step father to grace then Amy and Grace will be sisters and make Adrian Jealous and Adrian will be Jealous that Amy has her boy friends baby and her best friend once grace and amy become close And just like how Adrian was animies with grace she'll be enimies Amy. and Amy might gte with ricky then adrian will be pissed. I have a feelimg the dad thing with adrian might not last long. because she's excited about the house but something might happen.
NOT THAT I WANT THAT TO HAPPEN THATS MY PREDICTION AND I HOPE ITS WRONG SO DONT HATE REPLY.
or somehow Mr. Juergens will go back with Anne maybe.. but if that happens it would make things peaceful and if things are peaceful then where's the story? Drama keeps the viewers in.. My prediction can be right.... Thisis about conflict drama complication and love I doubt the writer will make everything peaceful but we'll see.
I think the writer is giving us hints you can tell Adrian doesnt really like Amy.
A friend.
Amy+Ben=
Amy+Ricky= 
because you can tell Amy is over Ben and Ben is over Amy............................................................and obviously Ricky and Amy are attracted to each other and have feelings for each other (the night at band camp)........................................
Olivia
It was one freak1n night! And they dont still have feelings! Ricky doesnt care about anyone exept Himself and John. Ben LOVES Amy and Amy LOVES Ben. So get that strait.
~Cheyenne~
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, do you even watch the show?????????????? Because if you watch the show then you would be able to tell that Amy doesn't love Ben and Ben is annoyed with Amy! I mean Amy doesn't want Ben to babysit her own son!!!!
Olivia
i agree with Amy's dad. I dont like how grace blames her self for her dad's death. Grace is getting better now! but what about amy? i think later on in the season amy is going to loosen up a little bit and let people help her out... i think amy right is trying to figure out how to balance things out between taking care of john...working...and school. thats a tough... i know alot of us teenagers wouldnt be able to do that. most of us teenagers just want to have fun well we're young. i think if amy goes out of town with ben maybe she'll relize how she can relax and be a mother at the same time. i dont know we'll just have to see when the time comes!
love is all we need sometimes!
They need to make a new blog! It has been driving me crazy!
Olivia
i agree with L8NightER15 he's right! and to Mymineow just because your 13 doesn't mean you don't know more than certain other ppl and you were 13 once too! don't be a smart arse because you think your better because than everyone else!
harryxginny
rickyxamy
i think that ricky should stayy home with jon so amy can go to italy with ben and realize to have sex when they r marrid. anne shouldnt have savid marry him b-cause he pissed anne off with the investagating n- stuff. but the bottom line is SEX PUTS YOU IN A BAD SITUATION
I agree with you tottaly. Ricky does need to take John for a couple of mounths and let Amy have a break. And Ben is just so stupid. He doesnt need sex. He just wants it. He should wait tell Amy Is READY!
So TRUE!
O Yea I like your username
It tells the truth. Sex is wrong. Wait tell your married. 
~Cheyenne~
I promise I'm not trying to contradict a bunch of people, but some of these responses are really bugging me. Leaving a newborn to go adventuring in Italy for a month is not really an option for any serious mother, and it's immature to say that it's ok. It is also immature to say that sex puts people in bad situations. Sex can cause problems if you do it too young, before you are ready, or without protection, but I am so sick of the conception here that sex is bad. Sex is a beautiful eexperience between two people, and you shouldn't act like it is this terrible thing. And guess what? It's fun, not this torturous activity that people get tricked into. I promise I'm not a mean person, it's just that comments like this are making me angry.
ok first off, i totally agree with the girl who said u sound a lil immature. (sexiswrong11233 ) John is not even a month old && u think amy should b able 2 take off 2 a whole nother country && have a lil rondavu vaction w/ Ben! Who may i remind u is not even the father! R u kidding me!?? seriously! Do u really think she deserves that! A 16 or wait was she 15 year old girl, who got her self pregnant, decided 2 keep the baby! has supporting friends && family whome she treats like crap && doesnt apreciate 1 bit! Wants everybody 2 do everything 4 her && cant, wont, REFUSES 2 keep a job! && do u really think that if they go 2 a romatic country by them selfs, no adult supervision, no baby, do u really think their not gonna have sex!?? haha u gotta another thing commin sweetheart! ahhhh...ok sorry it probly seems like im attacking u, its just that it makes me so mad! YOUNG sex CAN && most likey will put u n a bad situation weather it b physically, mentally, or emotionally. so i sum wat can agree with that.
ps. also, just because Ricky wants 2 b a good dad, doesnt mean he shud have 2 take on all the responsabilities by himself! i mean come on, give the guy a break.
<3Bri xoxo
oh okay smart one...NOT i bet you're like 13 and under. only you'd say something dumb like that.
A friend.
SO DONT DO IT
Yeah that's good that Grace finally understands that just having sex with Jack won't make him hers forever.
Good girl Amy + Bad boy Ricky = Sweet-Hot Romance!!!
grace needs to understand that jack wont be hers forever
Amy and Ricky <3
Kat and Patrick <3
She's pretty . The way Mr. Juergens started out as being a jerk and a big fat liar in the begining of the show. I love how he is so heart felt and helpful. I think He is going to go back with Grace's mom and become a step father to grace then Amy and Grace will be sisters and make Adrian Jealous and Adrian will be Jealous that Amy has her boy friends baby and her best friend once grace and amy become close And just like how Adrian was animies with grace she'll be enimies Amy. and Amy might gte with ricky then adrian will be pissed. I have a feelimg the dad thing with adrian might not last long. because she's excited about the house but something might happen.
NOT THAT I WANT THAT TO HAPPEN THATS MY PREDICTION AND I HOPE ITS WRONG SO DONT HATE REPLY.
or somehow Mr. Juergens will go back with Anne maybe.. but if that happens it would make things peaceful and if things are peaceful then where's the story? Drama keeps the viewers in.. My prediction can be right.... Thisis about conflict drama complication and love I doubt the writer will make everything peaceful but we'll see.
I think the writer is giving us hints you can tell Adrian doesnt really like Amy.
A friend.
Yeah i do agree with the above mentioned factors. Humans aren't really animals there are lot of differences in the hormones of animals and human beings. Human beings use things like levitra which helps them to increase the tendency of sex in men. It is totally a rubbish idea that a man can only be interested in one girl after having sex with her. I am agreeing the facts which have been discussed by the girl's father.
Excuse me, but human hormones are pretty near identical to other mammal hormones and even some other types of animal hormones, that's how the old "rabbit" pregnancy tests worked. You are right that evolutionarily males have a tendency to want to procreate with large numbers of females to produce more offspring, but that principle has been contradicted in many mammals and birds by the advantages of pair bonding in animals. Not to say that a high school relationship constitutes a lifelong pair bond, but still.
i just-i really want ricky and amy to be together! so throw ben away in italy haha! ricky and amy need to confront themselves and get RID of [filtered word] adrian and ben.
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
"He's her's now..."
I agree with that. Amy needs a therapist not a boyfriend. if she goes to Bologna she probably will have sex with Ben and might get pregnant again. I'm not good at predicting but i think that might happen.
i think that is what Ben is trying to do with Amy cause she had sex with Ricky and he doesnt want her to have sex with him again and because he is very clingy
ykw? i thnk ben and amy sudnt b 2gethr, but ricky nd amy....[filtered word] on it is rickys baby!
btw, rickys HOT!
secret life rox!
"It is NEVER a good idea to have sex with someone just so they won’t do it with someone else."
It is okay for Ricky apparently.
"There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface."
Dylan & Gabby
6/24/04-Forever
R.I.P. Shawn
10/24/89-5/24/09
LOL .
Hey...
I just wanted to say that I loved the first season of Secret Life. And I also really liked the second season. But... as for the third season...
Since Amy had the baby, I don't feel like the writers knew what to write anymore. The show has turned super cheesy after school special. When Grace's dad died, it really hit a spot in my heart. My father passed away in February. I wanted to see how Grace and her family would cope with it. I thought it might even help me to cope with losing my father. But, then it turned into "Grace killed her dad because she had sex with Jack and G-d is punishing her." Personally, I'm offended by that. That is the most ridiculous idea to put into pre-teens and teenagers minds. I'm 20 years old and I'm mature enough to know that it's just poor writing. But, every other word of the show is Sex or G-d. That's ridiculous. The show used to put the message across that teens shouldn't have sex or should be careful, but, not it's just making kids want sex. Sending Ben to Bologna to get some? Please.
The only reason I keep watching is to see how much more ridiculous you can make this show. I'm highly disappointed in the writers. Especially considering what shows they used to write. Oh, and the article in the Gilmore Girls sections, comparing the two shows. Wow, don't even get me started.
I hope they turn this show around to be more like it used to in the first season.
And one more thing. Amy needs a therapist and not a boyfriend and not a trip to Bologna with her baby and boyfriend. She's a teenage mother. She needs to face the facts and live a real life. Oh and why is she so rude and mean this season?
ew.
i so agree with you
Yeah I wrote the Gilmore article I wasnt comparing it I was talking about how other shows get sucsess. I agree with you but what was wrong with my state ment?
A friend.
You wrote the Gilmore Girls article? I do apologize, I meant no disrespect to you or to your article. I am just a huge fan of Gilmore Girls and I don't think Secret Life compares. I guess you could say that it's the same because Loreli (not sure of the spelling, sorry!) had Rory when she was sixteen... but, she had no support from her family until Rory was in High School. She also had no support from a Rich boyfriend or the father of the baby. Anyway, I do apologize. I do agree with show different shows gain success though, I just don't think Secret Life will go as long as Gilmore Girls or 7th Heaven did.
I do have a question though, if you wrote the Gilmore Girls article, why is your sentence structure, punctuation and spelling so different in these posts?
i agree with that like everyone
u dont need sex and u dont have to have sex to keep someone and half da time after u have sex u brake up so wat da point
agree.
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She's pretty . The way Mr. Juergens started out as being a jerk and a big fat liar in the begining of the show. I love how he is so heart felt and helpful. I think He is going to go back with Grace's mom and become a step father to grace then Amy and Grace will be sisters and make Adrian Jealous and Adrian will be Jealous that Amy has her boy friends baby and her best friend once grace and amy become close And just like how Adrian was animies with grace she'll be enimies Amy. and Amy might gte with ricky then adrian will be pissed. I have a feelimg the dad thing with adrian might not last long. because she's excited about the house but something might happen.
NOT THAT I WANT THAT TO HAPPEN THATS MY PREDICTION AND I HOPE ITS WRONG SO DONT HATE REPLY.
or somehow Mr. Juergens will go back with Anne maybe.. but if that happens it would make things peaceful and if things are peaceful then where's the story? Drama keeps the viewers in.. My prediction can be right.... Thisis about conflict drama complication and love I doubt the writer will make everything peaceful but we'll see.
I think the writer is giving us hints you can tell Adrian doesnt really like Amy.
A friend.
I agree with that 100%!
Olivia
trueeeee statement!!!
amy/ricky!!! sooo cuteeee
I totally would agree with that.