User login
we're doing something different
So this is the 2ND CHAPTER OF THE NEW STORY I'm writing! (PLEASE read and leave comments, thanksss)
Posted Sun, 11/01/2009 - 11:33 — pinkcupcakeSam stood in front of the window, which was enveloped in fog. Her blonde, thick braid was pulled to the back of her head, and ended on her lower back. Only wearing a white slip gown, her scar, located on the top of her chest, was exposed. A knock on the door made her jump.
"Sam?" Seth asked from behind the white door.
"What?"
"Just seeing if you were awake. Can I come in?" he asked.
"No. I'm not fully dressed." Sam answered, hugging her chest tightly with her arms.
"Oh, alright. Take your time. I was thinking we could go explore, try to find some food." he said.
His footsteps slowly became quieter as he walked away back into the living room, and Sam relaxed.
She pulled off the slip, leaving her body bare, and reached for her dirty clothes.
Opening the door, she stepped into the living room area, which was surprisingly warm.
Seth looked back at her with a smile as he sat on the torn up sofa. "Good morning Sam."
"Morning." Sam mumbled, fixing the holster on her hip.
He stood up, still grinning. "Ready to go?"
Sam took the lead, refusing to follow him like a little puppy. "So where were you thinking about where we'd look for food?"
"Grocery stores have a load of food still on the shelves." he answered.
She shook her head and kicked a rock out of the way. "No. They don't. I went a few days ago and all that was left was stale. We're gonna have to hunt in the woods. Unfortunately for you, its going to require some skill."
He chuckled. "That sounds like a challenge to me."
Sam rolled her eyes and continued down the steep hill, digging her boots in the soil.
"Did you have a nightmare or something last night? I heard you scream." Seth asked curiously.
"Yes." she answered.
"Oh. What was it about?"
She spun around and glared at him. "Nothing."
Silence filled the air. After a long walk, they reached the beginning of the woods. Sam continued silently, not leaving a sound.
The leaves crunched under Seth's boots and she stopped impatiently. "Do you think you could be a little quieter? God, as if we'd be able to hunt with you being that loud." she hissed.
"Sorry." Seth muttered in reply.
A deer caught Sam's eyesight. Her hand slipped under the bottom of her jeans and she pulled out a knife. She looked over her shoulder at Seth, with a finger pressed to her mouth. Her arm pulled back and the knife sliced through the air, landing perfectly in the neck of the deer. It writhed wildly, panicking, then fell to the ground in defeat. Sam walked proudly over to the deer and pulled out the knife. She took a handkerchief from her pocket and carefully cleaned the blade. Seth stood in shock and astonishment, his eyes wide.
Sam propped one hand on her hip. "Quit standing there like a dumba*s and make yourself useful." she muttered, pointing to the deer.
He nodded and slid his hands under the body, then picked it up and slung it over his shoulder.
"That was impressive. Are we gonna keep hunting?" he asked in a whisper.
Sam nodded impatiently, then her eyes searched the area for signs of life. After moments a few rabbits came into view. She unhappily realized that she'd have to shoot it, making a lot of noise.
She pulled out her gun, then aimed and shot once at each rabbit. They fell to the ground instantly with no movement. Sam walked over to them, then slung them both across each arm.
"That should be enough for a day or two. Before we go home, we're going to need to look for more weapons. A bow would be helpful, maybe more knives too. Silent weapons." she said quietly to Seth.
He nodded, heading back to the opening in the front of the woods. Sam followed, watching their backs.
"Where are we supposed to look? For weapons." Seth asked once they reached the clearing, the sunlight hitting his face.
She tugged his arm and led the way. "Anywhere. We need to hurry before it gets dark, let's go."
They searched a few buildings before coming across a large factory. Sam entered first, taking a deep breath. The light from the windows illuminated the large room. She walked around, searching. A body was crumpled up in a corner, and luckily the human was holding a weapon. It was an ax, but it would be useful. She picked up the ax, then swung it through the air to test it. Shrugging, she gave it to Seth, who was close behind her. Sam continued to the back, where an office was located. Opening the door, she sighed. Nothing but papers were scattered around the room. There was a closet, though, and she decided to see if anything was there. The door swung open, and her jaw dropped.
A supply of different kinds of weapons were on a shelf. A bow, machete, knives, and a few guns. How any of them were still there shocked her. Seth grinned as he stood beside her. "Wow, we got lucky." he remarked, reaching for one of the knives.
Sam nodded incredulously, stuffing the guns and knives into a potato sack that she found on the road earlier. Her eyes caught the bow, and her hands reached out for it. She held it in front of her, examining its stability, then grabbed the arrows and stuffed them into the sack.
"Okay. Let's go, it should be getting dark by now." she said, walking out of the office and heading through the darkened factory.
Seth followed silently. As they walked along the road, Seth whistled a tune quietly. A white figure came into Sam's side view, and she gasped, fumbling for one of the knives and standing in a defensive position. Seth stood beside her, holding a gun.
The figure came closer, stepping forward. "You're going to need a lot more than a small knife to kill me, Samantha."
(Hope everyone likes this so far! Oh and if anyone has any suggestions for what I should call the story, that'd be appreciated. If you need more details about the story to come up with one, I'll be happy to help. And please leave comments, thanks!)

Exactly how is Sam(heh noticed 2 of our characters share the same name. Coincidence, I assure you) able to neatly throw a knife and kill a deer? I mean although I am sure its possible, I don't think there are a lot of people who could pull it off as easily. What kind of training does she have? I mean if you say she was once a Navy Seal(well I guess she couldn't, apparently females can't join) Or some other Special Force group. Atleast then it would be somewhat better. As of now there is no reason as to believe why she should be capable of such a feat.
Haha gotta love that jab at Rex about the loud weapons. However you should have just given your character a supressor. A supressor is put at the end of a guns barrel and it reduces the sound of gun fire. They do not completely silence the weapon, however it will make things easier.
Also just a friendly reminder. The word Said shouldn't be avoided like the plague. Im serious too. You seem to try and use it as little as possible.
Oh another thing about her. Not sure about you, but if I was a rabbit and I heard a gun I would have ran like the dickens. How is she able to successfully kill two rabbits? One maybe, but two?
You know you can share a bits of background in the narration. Though don't get to overboard, try and tell us whats relevant to whats happening. A good example of that would be with that little knife trick.
Overall its good, a few things are a bit off and need explaining.
Can't wait to read chapter 3.
"You All Everybody! You All Everbody!" - Charlie
fanfiction account Unit7
Actually throwing knives (especially if they are well balanced )by itself is not that hard. Even hitting a semi large target like a deer is not beyond the realm of possibility of an average person who just played with knives a bit. However the perfect shot in the neck that's a bit over the top and slightly in Mary Sue territory(something you should avoid like the plague). Just like suddenly finding a whole arsenal part. You should try too keep it a bit more realistic. Without the super luck or super skills.
And it was a bit creepy about how proud she was to kill a deer. That seems a bit sociopathic imo and makes her less sympathetic. And I can't really see the point of killing the bunnies as well. Do they have a working refrigerator? Cause if not it's more likely that the meat will go bad
Through the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see, one chance out between two worlds, fire walk with me!
Hehe, I realized that too. Sam is a good name, I like it (:
You know I'm not really sure how she could do that (the knife trick) yet... the way I pictured Sam is her being skilled in hunting somehow. Maybe I could explain what made her so experienced, I have an idea of how she could be. I'll work on explaining more.
About the "said" thing... I honestly don't try to avoid it that much, but I guess I sometimes feel like it makes writing kind of... I don't know. Like it looks like I'm unexperienced and not very creative with my writing techniques I guess... I'll work on it.
And thanks, I'm glad you liked it (:
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
Well I am not even sure it would be possible to kill a deer like that. If it is, it would be a very brutal and long death for the deer, simply because it would be difficult to sever the jugular that way.
As for the Said thing. Thats actually very much the opposite. It shows that you ARE inexperienced for trying to avoid it. Its a common mistake amongst amatuers. They believe that by using said they are not being 'creative' and well what you are feeling.
"You All Everybody! You All Everbody!" - Charlie
fanfiction account Unit7
I really liked this chapter. I can't wait to read more of this story.
I like this story a lot better than Bruises. They are both great, but I like this storyline much better!
You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful♥
Thanks so much Casondra, I'm glad you liked it
And yeah, I like this story a lot better too (:
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
Your welcome.!!!!
You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful♥
I'm really liking this story so far
I think I might like it better Bruises. I thought you did a great job on this chapter! I can't wait to see what happens with the white figure. 
~Chasity~
I think I like it better too
I think that I'm going to finish Bruises with a final chapter that will end it well. Thanks Chasity! (:
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
You're welcome!
And okay, I can't wait to read the ending to Bruises. Bruises was a really good story and I think this story will be even better. I'm already excited for the next chapter! 
~Chasity~
I can tell that you like strong women in this chapter. that is pretty cool, however Seth seems to be a different preson in this chapter compared to the first. He was someone that Sam could possiblely turn to for help in the first chapter and now he seems useless. Although you are writing as the ideas come, make sure the characters are seen as the same character in each chapter. that's just my opinion anyway. A woman can be strong without making a man look useless.
I think that you are a very talented writer and it's cool that you are trying different styles. Keep writing please.
I understand what you mean. This chapter though, Sam wanted to take charge and was a bit stubborn. I like to change it up a little. And thanks! (:
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
no, its not bad at all. its really good! its different from bruises, idk which one i like more lol its to soon to tell. its coming along very good though!
i know that he loves me cuz he told me so
i know that he loves me cuz his feelings show
when he startes at me you know he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love*
i love u baby, always.
I really liked this chapter. I can't wait to read more of this story.
I like this story a lot better than Bruises. They are both great, but I like this genre better.
~Proud Mommy of One~


Gianna Emily -March 6th, 2009-
Sam and Max -February 14 2005-
You know, I think I do too! I love reading about unrealistic things happening, and I realized how I love writing about it too! I think I'm gonna stop writing Bruises, the story is starting to bore me : / I feel bad ending it, but I really don't feel motivated anymore for it, and I'm really excited about this story
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
It was 12 chapters long, I think it would be okay if you end it soon. You might want to add in 2 or 3 more chapters, just to make a good ending, but I think that if you aren't motivated anymore, it would be fine to end it.
~Proud Mommy of One~


Gianna Emily -March 6th, 2009-
Sam and Max -February 14 2005-
BUMP... is it that bad guys? ):
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
oh well we all do silly things at times, but i don't that the cupcake was gonna run away!