I'm living with my boyfriend and his 3yr old and 2 yr old (they will both be a year older next summer). I’m 32 and don't have any children of my own.

My boyfriend is one of the calmest people I've ever met and I love him a great deal. I care of his two boys a great deal as well. He disciplines usually by giving of the boys a timeout and/or talking to them about what they did (as much as you can for children that young). In the last few weeks I've started seeing him do what he calls "tutting" them which means he hits them on their hand when they aren't listening to what he tells them to do (usually its after he has tried 3 times to tell them). The 3yr old is shy, quiet and reserved and the 2yr old is resilient, boisterous and outgoing. The 2yr old will sometimes bully the 3yr old.

I've recently found out that he tells the 3yr old that he may "tut" his little brother when his little brother doesn't stop something that the older one doesn't like. He said he can teach the 3yr old to say stop 3 times before "tutting" his little brother.

At this point I don't have any say in how he raises them and while I'm not crazy about him "tutting" them at least it is the parent being the parent, but it really disturbs me that while he tells them no hitting or pushing or causing “owies”, the 3yr old may "tut" the 2yr old at certain times.

I come from a family where "if you have to hit to make a point, then you don't have a point to make". Its put me in a position to wonder what I am getting myself into and to wonder what will happen if I stay with this man and if I have a child with him.

I want to know what others think about letting a 3yr old reprimand a 2yr old like that.